Valuable gift of your precious life.
Almost eleven years in the making because some things just can’t be
Rushed, knowing that in this time and in this place you were made for me
I will cherish my new title, in gratitude, knowing that I have finally been chosen to
Experience a love like no other, that which is shared by a mother and child.
Life has a way of coming full circle. This time last year I was 3 months into my journey as a Visionera (if you follow my blog then you know what I am referring to). I decided that I would commit to myself and I spent an entire year doing self-work. I decided that I would no longer give life to the lie that had me paralyzed. The lie that convinced me that I did not deserve all of the things that I’ve always wanted. I really started digging deep into myself and confronting my fears and doubts. I started a daily meditation practice to help re-connect with my spirit, to help me really listen to my inner voice. I read a lot of self-help books, surrounded myself with like minded individuals, and attended the bi-monthly Visionera meetings. In essence, I began cultivating the seeds that had implanted in my soul to ensure that the intention I set for myself in 2011 became a reality. Following your dreams is always easier said that done, but once I made that commitment to myself I knew that I had to follow through.
A number of things came up for me when I was thinking about my intention(s). There were two specific things that I wanted to accomplish in 2011. One was to complete writing and publish my first book, which I did in September 2011. The second, was to become a mother by whatever means that would happen. I didn’t want to limit myself so I was open to anything. Any way that God wanted to send me that blessing I was open to. I was all set to go. I was ready to go all in and begin working towards my goals.
However, a funny thing happens when you commit to something. The universe begins to laugh at you. The minute you think you have everything under control a roadblock suddenly appears that you weren’t prepared for. For me, it seemed like I was hitting a brick wall every time I began to think that I was making progress. For most people, when they are encountered with something that they weren’t prepared for they give up. They turn around because they convince themselves that continuing forward is just too much, it’s just too hard.
I will admit that I used to be one of those people. If something was becoming too much for me to deal with, I would give up. I would turn away from it or prolong it because I wasn’t strong enough to continue treading forward. Working with Visiones and committing to the self-work helped me to change how I reacted to obstacles when they appeared. Visiones and the self-work helped to re-connect me with my heart’s deepest desire. It taught me techniques to silence the inner critic that would occassionally pop up telling me that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t deserve it. It taught me how to take care of myself and my needs. It taught me how not to give up on what I wanted most.
So despite all of the obstacles that manifested for me in 2011, for the first time in a really long time, I didn’t give up on myself. When I got pregnant for the very first time in May 2011 and then miscarried in June, I was devastated. I was ready to give up and the old me would have. I cursed everything and everybody. I cursed women, I cursed women with children, I cursed women who were pregnant because I wondered why them and not me. I cursed God. Because what God would plant the seed and then take it away from me.
While I was going through it those are the thoughts that went through my head, but once I was able to think clearly I realized that it wasn’t a curse or a punishment, it was a blessing. See, I have been with my husband for 14 years and for all that time I had never been pregnant. A part of me felt like I wasn’t able to despite the doctors telling me that I could. That pregnancy was affirmation that I physicially was capable of making my dream come true. As for the miscarriage, I know that that baby wasn’t my baby. For whatever reason it’s purpose was not to be born, but instead to help me finally realize that I was not this broken vessel that I had always thought myself to be.
Then only 5 months later in November, something miraculous happened. I found out that I was pregnant again. The woman who had never been pregnant became pregnant twice in one year. I am now 5 months along and in July I will finally be a mother. If I weren’t living it, I wouldn’t believe it. I am the happiest that I’ve ever been and I now look at life with fresh eyes. It is because of the work that I did with Visiones that I was able to reclaim my strength, my beauty, and my power by helping me to accept myself just as I am knowing that even through my flaws I am perfect.
Last night I got the opportunity to MC an event for the founder and director of DeAlmas Women’s Institute. She also facilitates the Visiones workshop. And as I shared my story with all of the people in that beautiful space I realized how much had changed for me in just one year. I felt strong. I felt invincible. I felt resilient. I had committed to myself and made the one thing I wanted most a reality.
So as I looked out into the crowd, I was grateful. I was proud of myself and of my commitment. And to paraphrase the Alchemist, when you truly desire something the whole universe conspires for you to get it, you just have to be willing to put in the work.
I have been quite busy lately. There are so many things going on; so many events, so many commitments, and not enough time to do it all. At least, that’s how I’ve been feeling. For starters, I am still trying to get used to my new professional role as an administrator at one of NYC’s public hospitals. I’ve been in my new role for about 5 months and while I have worked in health care my entire professional career, I forgot what it was like to deal with staff issues, patient issues, and customer satisfaction. It has been very overwhelming to say the least. In addition to my professional career, I am also a writing workshop facilitator for the New York City Latina Writer’s Group (NYCLWG), a member of the DeAlmas Women’s Institute, a writer, and last but most importantly a first time expecting mom to be. Needless to say I have been EXHAUSTED. But with everything that I have going on I am truly grateful for it all.
I am grateful to have a job that allows me to meet my financial obligations, that allows me to help our patients and improve their overall health care experience, a job where I know I will be challenged every day. I am grateful to be a part of a community of writers where I can teach and learn simultaneously and as a DeAlmas Visionera, I am grateful that I have been able to re-connect with myself, my spirit, and my heart’s deepest desire. Something amazing happens when you start to believe that you truly deserve everything that you ever wanted. As women, we tend to put the needs of others before our own and somehow lose sight of the things that we want for ourselves. At least for me, that statement holds true. Being a member of DeAlmas helped me to regain sight of the things I truly wanted.
I realized that I needed to re-focus and I needed to start putting myself before others. I realized that if I wasn’t happy with myself and the direction of my life then there wouldn’t be much that I could do for others. Once I re-focused on myself, transformational things began to happen for me. First, I was able to complete writing and publishing my first book, Welcome to Heartbreak. Shortly after that I was accepted into Fairleigh Dickinson University’s MFA in creative writing program, and lastly on November 6, 2011 I found out that the one thing I had wanted most, I was finally receiving. I was pregnant with my first child.
This may not seem as something monumental for most women, but for me, after trying unsuccessfully to conceive for the past 10 yrs I had given up on that dream. I had decided that since it hadn’t happened in 10 years it probably wasn’t meant for me to be a mother. I began to feel like I wasn’t good enough to experience such a blessing. It wasn’t until I attended the DeAlmas Visiones workshop in 2011 that slowly but surely those thoughts and self doubt began to disappear. Being able to accomplish my heart’s deepest desires was a direct result of all the self-work I did in 2011 with DeAlmas. This is why I am so honored and excited to be the mistress of ceremonies for the book signing for author and founder of DeAlmas Women’s Institute, Gloria Rodriguez, being held on March 6th, 2012 from 6-9 pm at the Longwood Art Gallery at Hostos Community College.
It is the perfect way to kick off Women’s History Month as we celebrate Gloria’s first book You Are More Than Good Enough. The book, which I love, combines storytelling, sacred wisdom, practical tools and techniques that will inspire, cajole and catapult readers into an embrace of themselves. In this book, Gloria generously shares the pitfalls, challenges and triumphs of her step-by-step voyage to self-acceptance and self-love in order to embrace her soul’s calling. Readers will learn techniques (techniques that we used during our bi-weekly self-work sessions) – treasures of the soul – that will prepare them to rediscover their true essence, connect to their life purpose and deny any power to an inner critic. Knowing you are good enough is no small feat but with compassion and understanding Gloria Rodriguez gives us permission to claim the best of who we are with confidence and without apology.
I invite you all to come share a night of beauty, inspiration, and most importanly self-love because we are all more than good enough.
Click on the link for more info or to RSVP to this event:
You Are More Than Good Enough Book Signing/Reception
I came across the following article while I was doing some research and surfing the internet and I thought that it made some very valid points. When it comes to relationships we often let the chemicals in our brain take over our better judgment, especially when the relationship is new. Most of us are in love with the idea of being “in love” and because of this we sometimes give too much too soon.
At first, doing too much seems natural because our endorphines are all out of wack and we find ourselves in a constant state of euphoria. Additionally, most of us have been taught that when you’re in love you’re supposed to give your all. Or aren’t you?
Well according to the article the answer is no. Not until your relationship reaches a certain point should you be going all out for your significant other. Before that point, you will suffocate love just as it’s starting to bloom, instead of allowing it to blossom naturally.
Giving too much too soon is by far the biggest relationship mistake made by both men and women. The article explains why it suffocates love, how love blossoms naturally, how to know when you’re giving too much and what to do about it, and when it’s OK to give your all.
I know that in the past I have been guilty of some of the things in this article. Please read and let me know which things if any you have fallen victim to.
***
Too Much Love and Romance Too Soon
By the second date you both say, “I love you.” By the third date you’re talking every night for hours. By the second week you’re writing love notes to each other on a daily basis. So where do you go from there? Only down.
Beth and Tony fell in love instantly. They were inseparable after one date. He bought flowers; she cooked dinners every night. He read love poems out loud to her. She always put love notes in his jacket pocket when he went to work.
Then one time he forgot the flowers. Beth was crushed. Then she forgot the note. Tony felt unloved. Resentment intruded into perfect love, and their relationship never recovered.
Too Much Commitment Too Soon
Volunteered, one-sided commitment signals desperation in a relationship. Men will do this, but more often, it’s a woman who will take this step out of some mixed-up fear of losing a man if she doesn’t, even though he’s made no commitment whatsoever. She’s ready to forsake all others without even being asked, just to prove her love, hoping this gesture will somehow bond him to her. It doesn’t.
Gifts Too Soon
When you bring the element of money into a relationship, you put pressure on someone. If you’re a man, she may misread your intentions and think you see the relationship as transactional, gifts for sex. Or, rather than being bothered by the gifts, she may come to expect an ongoing flow of them from you and be very disappointed if they’re not forthcoming.
One man told me, “The minute a woman starts giving me valuable things, I feel pressured. She looks like a needy woman who’s trying to buy love. When a woman gives me something expensive, it makes me feel as if an alien element has come into the relationship — the element of dollar value as opposed to love and caring. I also feel forced to keep up in some way.”
Also, no man wants to live the rest of his life with a spendthrift. Giving him an expensive gift (even for his birthday or Christmas) will just make him worry about how you’ll spend money if the two of you get married.
Too Much Information Too Soon
One way both men and women often give too much is by telling too much about themselves right away. Who wants to know how your mother or father mistreated you on the first date? (Or on the third or fourth date, for that matter)
How Over-giving Suffocates Love
It’s like over-watering a plant. You’re not sure how much to water it and your instincts tell you to nurture it, so you over-water it and kill it. Here’s how over-giving can kill a budding relationship:
You’ll come across as needy and desperate. You probably won’t get enough back, so you’ll feel cheated. You’ll be ignoring your own life to help the object of your affection with theirs. He or she will take you for granted and expect you to continue to do more and more for him.
In the extreme, doing too much can change who you are until the person he or she was attracted to in the first place is gone.
The worst part about giving too much is that the other person probably won’t just drop you. At least then you’d be free to start over. Instead, they will keep you on a string and not take you seriously, and you find yourself in “crazy love” relationship.
Self-test: Are You Doing Too Much For Love?
How do you know when you’re giving too much too soon? You call them more than they call you. You make all the plans, pay most of the time, or buy all the presents. You are always doing something for them, and you feel cheated and angry because the giving is not reciprocated. You sense they’re beginning to take you for granted. You feel desperate for their love and are worried about losing them.
Over-giving has already gotten to the “crazy love” stage if:
Your only happiness seems to be making them happy. You pour yourself into helping them succeed, even to the point of ignoring your own life. They’re beginning to pull away, and you keep doing more and more to get them to stay. Your friends say you’ve changed and they never see you anymore.
First Aid For Overgivers
If you’ve reached the “crazy love” stage, the relationship is probably beyond saving. See the “Letting Go” Section of the Library. If you haven’t gone that far, your relationship may be repairable. If you’ve just slipped and said, “I love you” too soon, or you’re a guy who’s given a gift too soon, or a woman who’s blurted out, “When are you going to call again?” by mistake, the relationship can be re-balanced with a little mid-course correction.
Again, think of the over-watered plant. All you can do is hold off on watering and hope. If you’ve started to smother the relationship, all you can do is step back and let it breathe. Don’t call. If you can, take a trip and send him or her just ONE postcard. If you can’t leave, just throw yourself into your work for a couple of weeks. It won’t hurt.
Give the relationship some space; allow some time to go by, and — above all — act happy.
There’s something about being with someone that makes us feel complete. This is why most of us spend our lives searching for “the one”. However, once you’ve found the one how do you make sure the marriage lasts so that you don’t end up another statistic?
Every relationship is different and there’s not a one size fits all approach for having a successful marriage, after all, relationships are hard work. However, most people aren’t willing to put in the work which is why the divorce rate is so high. According to the Center for Disease Control, 50% of marriages end in divorce. Relationship expert Dr. Phil Mcgraw says that “The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.”
In order to ensure that the needs of both parties are met there are several key elements that must exist. Commitment, honesty, trust, and communication are needed in order to have a successful marriage. Creating relationships isn’t the hard part. The hard part is sustaining them. Sustainability isn’t about a quick fix or a cheap solution. Generally, it means making a commitment & trying, as best we can, to honor it.
Commitment is essential in that each individual has to put forth the same amount of effort and time into nurturing the relationship. It also means not giving up once you hit a bump in the road. Overcoming the hurdles and adversities in a relationship helps to solidify the foundation that is being built. In any worthwhile situation we will face challenges but giving up when troubles arise is not the answer. Most of life’s troubles can be overcome if we are willing to work through them. However, not many of us are willing to do this.
Honesty is also an important factor of any successful marriage and is sometimes overlooked. Honesty isn’t only about establishing trust, because although it is important to always be truthful with your significant other honesty is also about being honest in whom you are as a person. Don’t try and hide facets of your personality because you are unsure how your spouse will react to them. Be who you are at all times so that the person you are with loves you for who you are and not for some contrived persona you have created. You have to accept each other as is.
Lastly, maintaining open lines of communication is key because not only does it bring you closer to your spouse but it also eliminates playing the guessing game. When you are clear and concise about what your needs are your spouse is better equipped to fulfill them. Marriage after all is a partnership and as with any business agreement one misunderstanding can blow the entire deal.
Balancing these elements isn’t always easy but they are necessary in order to make your marriage, relationship, and friendship work. When it comes to relationships you never get a day off so if you want yours to work you have to wake up every day ready to go to work.
References:
Mcgraw, Phil. A Good Marriage. October 2010. Retrieved from http://www.drphil.com/articles/print/?ArticleID=53
There’s something about February 14 that brings out some emotion in everyone. Some people love it, some hate it, and others could care less. I have always been in the latter group. I have never put much thought or emphasis on Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t because I didn’t have a special someone to share the day with because for the past 14 years I have. It’s just that in my opinion, when you’re in love, doing nice and thoughtful things shouldn’t happen one day out of the year. If it does then there’s something wrong in the relationship.
Valentine’s day has turned into such a commercial holiday that the true meaning of the day has been lost. Instead of appreciating the love that is shared between two individuals we have a society where people look forward to receiving flowers, candy, and stuffed bears. Others make dinner reservations weeks or even months in advance just to celebrate the day and I don’t understand why. I’d much rather receive those things on a random day than on a day when it’s expected.
In an age where it seems as if everybody is searching for love at all costs, it’s no wonder that Valentine’s Day is a big deal for some. We have reality shows like The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, dating websites like E-Harmony and Match.com that promise to find you the perfect mate. Men and women go on these reality shows and dating websites and objectify themselves all for the sake of finding “the one”. They’re also searching for their 15 minutes of fame, but that’s another post.
The quest for love seems to be more prevalent this day and age than in any other period in history. Maybe the fact that I have had a special someone for so long has blinded me to how hard it is to find someone to love. But blinded or not, I do know that if you are lucky enough to find that special someone you should make every effort to show that person how much they mean to you and how much they are appreciated each and every day and not just on a holiday once a year.
I for one appreciate the unexpected. So as this Valentine’s day approaches I don’t look forward to flowers, candy, or teddy bears but instead I am looking forward to just spending the day with the man that I love. Because to be honest, Valentine’s day to us is just another ordinary day. I don’t need gifts to know how much my husband loves and appreciates me because he shows me every day. He shows me when he helps out with dinner. He shows me by massaging my feet when I’ve had a long day. He shows me by making me breakfast on our days off from work. He shows me with his random calls just to say that he loves me. Those things are what matter to me, not what he does on one day out of the year but what he does for me every day of the year. And I am truly grateful because I know how lucky I am.
This is what Valentine’s day means to me. What does it mean to you?
“i found god in myself and i loved her. i loved her fiercely.” - Ntozake Shange
Most of us spend a great deal of our lives looking for love, chasing love, recuperating from love or complaining about love. Never realizing that in our quest for love we are neglecting the person that matters most. Ourselves.
I believe that as women we often disregard our own needs as a result of always taking care of other people. We spend so much time seeking out and working on developing external relationships that we often times forget to work on the relationship within. We give so much of ourselves emotionally, physically, and spiritually that eventually we end up depleted seeking fulfillment from someone else.
However, we can not look to another to fulfill us, “to complete us”, as eloquently stated in Jerry Maguire. We can only seek to fulfill ourselves, to give to ourselves that which we freely give to others; others, who often times don’t deserve it and that is LOVE. Learn to fall in love with YOU!
Love yourself! Deeply and profoundly! Know that the most important relationship that you could ever have is the relationship that you have with yourself. When that relationship is strong you will see that you will be happier, healthier, and that you will no longer put up with or accept mediocrity from anyone.
Walk in your divine self. You are love, made from love and made to be loved. By loving yourself you teach others how to love you. Love is not something that comes from someone else; it is an extension of our own minds, reverberating back to us in what seems to be another person’s smile (Williamson, 1993).
When you learn to truly fall in love with you, your entire life begins to change. It changes because when you are in love your main priority is making the person you’re in love with happy. Imagine applying that concept to yourself. Imagine putting your own happiness first. Only you have the power to do this. When you take back your power you take back control of your happiness because you now realize that happiness comes from within. Any happiness that you find with someone else is in addition to the happiness that you already have.
There is no other person on the Universe that can complete you. You were born a “whole” individual, you were not born in pieces. Movies and music will have you believe that in order to be completely happy you need someone else. This is a fallacy. When you allow yourself to believe this you are saying to the other person “I can only be happy if I am with you”…This sort of thinking is the thinking that allows many to stay in hurtful, dysfunctional, abusive relationships because the individual believes that they can only be happy with this abuser. Here’s a reality check if it hurts chances are you aren’t happy. Therefore why stay in a hurtful situation?
I am aware that until we get to the point where we’ve had enough of things that hurt and long more than anything for a peaceful love, we are bound to take painful roads. We are destined to play out frivolous disasters until we declare ourselves finished and done with them (Williamson, 1993). This is the nature of life but wehen you truly love yourself you will put up with far less nonsense and get out of that unhealthy relationship much sooner.
The following passage I read somewhere and post here for all of you. It reminds me of the power that I have when I choose to take control of my thoughts and feelings.
“You can completely transform any relationship, no matter what it’s like right now.
Every single relationship you have is a reflection of how you feel inside about you. You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings.
Every relationship you have and every interaction with every person, is a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings in that very moment.
To transform every single relationship you have in your life:
Fall in love with YOU!
Make lists of hundreds and hundreds of wonderful things about you.
Keep adding to it every day.
Know that you are perfect. Do not think any negative thoughts about you.
Know that you are worthy and deserving of anything and everything you could possibly want in your life.
Focus on the wonderful things in every person.
Look for only those things.
Do not blame or criticize anybody, ever.
Set an intention that you are going to see the best in everything and everyone.
Make your happiness the number one thing in your life. Happiness is an inside job.Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy.
Respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness.
Get your attention off those things in others that don’t make you feel good.Appreciate and love yourself in every moment you can.
Do not expect others to behave in a way you want, so you will be happy.
Release yourself forevermore and know that you alone control your happiness and it is a choice, no matter what anyone else is doing. Love and respect yourself completely. Know that you are perfect right now.
My parched lips search for
the sweetness of steady waters
I search for the endless
rhythm of the ocean
so that I may bathe myself in
velvet hopes of new beginnings.
My heart tugs strings weaving back
together the strands of my soul
Intricate tapestry folds peeking through
the veil of my truth that reminds me
of the beauty that lies within.
Once dried up inside,
baptize me so that I may be reborn
an oasis rising from a sandy wasteland
created to quench the thirst of 1 million skies.
Cleanse me with daily gratitude,
trust, patience, fruitfulness, and love.
For your rippled waves
have awakened dormant dreams
that once flowed through me
like the great Nile River.
Through parted waters
and into the desert of infancy
I found myself again.
I valued myself again
I loved myself again.
And when the tides change
Because they always do,
I will take shelter in the land of Me.
For I have now found my voice.
I have now found my light.
I have now found my strength.
I am caught in a spiritual current.
I am now transformed.
I’ve wanted to write about you for awhile. I’ve wanted to write about you for 2 years 2 months & 15 days to be exact. That’s how long you’ve been gone & for as long as I have been wanting to write about you I just never found the right words to put on paper that would memorialize all that you meant to me. I tried, I mean I tried many, many times but the words just wouldn’t come. I used to sit in my room for hours wishing, hoping, waiting kind of like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting up for Santa Claus to appear & I waited & waited & waited & those damn words just wouldn’t come. They just wouldn’t. I’d draw a blank every time I would put the pen to paper. Then I realized that maybe I would never find the “right” words to say because how could I ever accurately describe the hole that has been permanently left in my heart. You were my little brother except, you weren’t. You were my cousin but our connection was so close that it didn’t even matter.
And I always think of you this time of year. I’m not sure if it’s because we just celebrated Thanksgiving or if it’s because your birthday just passed or if it’s both. But the truth is I think about you a lot. I remember you as a child, you were young, you were innocent, the pride & joy of your mom & dad because you were their only baby. You were happy, like, you were always really, really happy. Always laughing, always smiling. In fact, that’s what I remember most about you, your smile. It was infectious; it was so bright that you could light up the darkest room. But no amount of light could ever brighten up the darkness that resided in your head or the demons that took over your mind.
At first, it started off as just a small flicker but gradually, day after day, month after month, year after year, the older you got the darker it became and the voices, well, the voices became louder, the voices became clearer. You tried to get us to hear them but we just couldn’t. Yours were silent screams and they fell on deaf ears, so you were just left alone in your own world, in your own space in time, in your own hell because no one could ever understand you. We all had a ferocious kind of tunnel vision blind to what was staring us right in the face. We didn’t notice. We just didn’t notice. Looking at you but not seeing that you were sick. After all, You were always just our little baby boy dressed up in a white t-shirt and pampers; the same boy that used to wear his mother’s tacos in the house and walk back and forth, back and forth, back and forth just because you liked to hear the click clack sound that they made.
And your mom, I remember her too. I never told you this…but, I hate that bitch. She was the one that got you sick. She remarried and let another man take your place. You should have been the first man in her life but she left you, abandoned you, and then replaced you with newer, improved models, your younger brother and sister. Because you, you were broken. Cracked in all the wrong places and you could never be fixed. But she couldn’t return you and get her money back so instead she left you in a 2 bedroom project apartment alone to conquer your demons. But you didn’t conquer them because they grew bigger and stronger and no amount of Haldol could ever be prescribed because eventually they conquered you.
And everyday I ask myself, why couldn’t we see it? Why couldn’t we see it? WHY THE FUCK COULDN’T WE SEE IT? Why couldn’t we see it before it was too late? But your dad, your dad finally saw it. You were his best friend, his one and only soul mate and a piece of him died that day too. I look at him and no longer see the man that he used to be. He’s no longer living. I mean, he’s alive, he’s breathing & walking & his body is here but his soul is not; because for the last 2 years, 2 months, and 15 days he carries with him the unbearable lightness of existence and in him has drowned a young boy that has been replaced by an old man full of guilt and regret. And each day, he awakes to a world that no longer has meaning because his world ended on September 23, 2008.
Night out with the girls I just wanted to have fun
Never looking for what I found
But I reeled you in
With my
flirty talk
My sexy walk
yea you was
kinda nice …
tall, dark, handsome
combined with the perfect
mix of thug & intellect
Just my type of guy
offered me a ride home
cuz I was about 5 drinks passed drunk
Yet sober enough to know
that heaven had manifested
itself in you
Fast forward
1 year later
On bended knee
outside Baruch
You asked &
I said yes
never knowing the lessons
in love & life you would eventually teach me
Really living our vows
like in sickness & in health
Impregnating me with hope
when that cancer crept up
though never giving up
knowing u were way
too young to die
So instead,
you schooled me like teacher
& showed me what a real fighter was
10 years later
You’re still the champion
Pillared columns tall
Herculean strong
We are GIBRALTAR
rock hard steady
Cuz can’t nobody hold you down baby,
like you hold me when shit gets real
Loving me
Like song
Like verse
Like lyric
Like note
Like…
Losing my religion
Loving me
Like bible
Like Koran
Like Jesus
Like Allah
Like Islamic radical
Loving me
Like salvation
Like a breath of fresh air
Like light
Like brand new
Loving me…
when I couldn’t
even love myself
But you did
Because
you took your time
to study me
even when I was
CPA exam difficult,
like acquisitions and mergers
Realizing that you didn’t
want to conquer me
but instead stand side by side
like the number 11 with me
Shine like the sun in August with me
Walk on the beach
Make mental love on
another plane with me
Take over the world and
travel the road less taken with me.
And all along always showing me that
THIS is how love is supposed to be.
©2011 All Rights Reserved Nancy Arroyo Ruffin
