Category Archives: Sex

Can You Go From Being a Jump Off to being the Main Chick????

LegsJump off, f*ck buddy, friends with benefits there are many terms used to describe sex with no strings attached. Whether you are the other woman/man or just that one person always readily available for sex at some point someone in the relationship (and I use that term lightly) is going to want more.  It’s just human nature, we eventually all want what we can’t have.

Usually what starts off as  fun, harmless sexual encounters can often lead to one of the parties involved seeking a more meaningful relationship. When two people get involved in this type of relationship the sex is usually amazing and this is why the relationship can continue on for years without either individual realizing that at some point what started out as harmless fun has unintentionally turned into a relationship. The man or the woman starts to develop feelings for the other and starts thinking “if we’re this good sexually why can’t it be this good if we took it a step further?” After all, they do say that sex is a big part of a relationship so if the sex is good why not step it up right? Wrong. Sex while an important part of a relationship is not the only thing in a relationship.

Relationships involve trust, communication, honesty, stability, monogomy and if you started off the jump off relationship in a dishonest way how will both parties ever really trust each other. Ideally one would think that the relationship should work but what will happen is that eventually the hot amazing sex will dwindle and what used to be fun and exciting can turn into boredom and resentment. It makes me wonder can a real relationship blossom and be successful if it started off as a jump off situation????

Bad Sex: Can It Ruin A Relationship?

unhappy-couple-in-bed1Lately I’ve been thinking about what makes a good relationship. We all want our own version of Mr./Ms. Right and this person may have different qualities depending on who you ask. Perfection is subjective and therefore what may seem perfect to one individual may not be so perfect for someone else. Some individuals value looks, some prefer a great sense of humor, others look deeper into the soul of a person and value honesty, integrity, and loyalty.

While all of these are great qualities for any person to posess, relationships in general are hard and they take alot of work. But given the daily pressures of everyday life do we really want to be in a relationship where our physical needs aren’t being met?  Most of us spend a great deal of our lives trying to find that special someone to share our lives with or at the least cuddle up to at night. We all want to feel loved not only mentally but physically and anyone who tells you that sex isn’t that important in a relationship is either lieing or has never experienced what amazing, mind blowing, sex is like. Once you’ve had this type of sex it’s hard not to continue wanting it. You just can’t go back to accepting wack sex. It’s not possible because you know what you’re missing. When you’ve never had great sex it’s easier to deal with because you can’t miss what you’ve never had.

Personally, I believe the older one gets the more compromises they are willing to make for their happiness. Meaning, that we start to weigh the pros and cons of every situation. For example, let’s say your in a relationship and for the most part the person that you’re involved with is a great person. They’re financially stable, they’re able to provide a nice comfortable lifestlye for you, they’re educated, well-spoken,  and well put together. Basically, they have a lot of the qualities that one looks for in a partner. These qualities may lead to you to start making excuses for the bad qualities that they have. Like, they’re insecure, jealous, possesive, and worst of all they have no clue what to do when it comes to sex. But because you’re older and stability has now become a really important factor in your life you start re-evaluating  and focusing on the good qualities in order to make up for what they are lacking. Again, happiness is subjective and it varies from person to person.

People that do this, in my opinion, will eventually deprive themselves of true complete happiness. I totally understand that to have it “all” is impossible but there has to be an even balance between the good and bad. Sex is one of those factors that is on the top of the list of a good and healthy relationship. When people cheat, 9 times out of ten it’s because they are missing that spark in their own relationship and are seeking it out in someone else. Once the sex has gone bad in a relationship I believe that it is the beginning of the end for that relationship. And if you’re with a partner that is only focused on fulfilling his/her needs then the problem becomes worse because that person has already emotionally checked out on fulfilling your needs. They no longer care about pleasing you, it has become all about them and their needs. I guess what I want to know is do you deal with bad sex, try to fix it, or just give up completely and break it off?

What Came First the A$$hole or the B!tch?

Assholes&BitchesI think much can be said about relationships between men and women. Some women say that behind every bitch there’s an a-hole that made her that way and men argue that behind every a-hole there’s a bitch that made him that way. This argument is like trying to decide which came first, the chicken or the egg. In order to gain some understanding about the interactions between the opposite sex I think it’s important to look at how it all began.

Ever since the days of Adam and Eve when Eve coaxed Adam into eating the fruit of the forbidden tree it seems like women have had some sort of power over men. Eve was tricked by the serpent (obviously because we don’t listen and think we know it all) into taking a bite of the apple and she then convinces her husband into taking a bite. The Bible tells us that as a result of succumbing to the temptation, God banishes Adam and Eve from Eden, and they and their descendants are destined to live lives of hardship. God tells Adam that he will earn his bread only through hard labor and sweat while Eve is made subject to her husband and condemned to the pangs of childbearing. All of this, because neither Adam nor Eve listened to what they they were told.

Here we are, thousands of years later and it seems like much hasn’t changed between men and women. Or has it?? Women now-a-days boast of their newly acquired independence, they are now educated, and earning as much or more than their male counterparts. Women are taking care of themselves and their families and no longer play the role of damsel in distress waiting to be saved by Prince Charming. They are mothers, wives, business women, and president of the PTA. Others have taken control of their sexuality and have no problem with promiscuity, sleeping with a man on the first date, stripping, or any of the so-called things that used to be ta-bu in society. We have women leaking sex tapes just for 5 minutes of fame and celebrity. In today’s world nothing is off limits. Women have taken control of their lives and are loving it.

However, with this new found independence comes a new attitude, it’s what some may call bitchiness. Most women will argue that in order to get respect or to be treated equally by men they have to resort to being bitches. Playing the nice role no longer works when it comes to love. Women are tired of being taken for granted, not being appreciated, putting their all into a relationship to only get cheated on or disrespected. Women have now taken the reigns and are steering their own course in life and love. But what happens to the nice guy that comes across this type of no-holds barred woman? The type of woman that is tired of getting played so has now decided to start playing the game herself. Does the nice guy give his all to only get burned in the process? Is this the point that nice guys turn into assholes? All it takes is one heartbreak, that one relationship where you have committed to giving your all to only not get the same in return. This can go both ways because I honestly feel that no one starts out as a bitch or an asshole but only becomes one after that one bad heartbreak. We vow to never get hurt like that again and the only way to ensure that doesn’t happen is by becoming “the bitch” or “the asshole”.

They often say that nice guys finish last but I think the older one gets the less true that statement becomes. When you’re young you accept and deal with more b.s. than you would when you get older. For instance, men now-a-days feel like they don’t have to work at trying to impress a woman. They no longer believe in “courting” you.  There is no longer dating, where they come to your house, pick you up, and open the car door for you. Instead, it’s more like meet me at this spot, we’ll hang out for a few, hook up afterward, and then you can find your own way home. They have this “I don’t care” type of attitude because women, with their new found independence, allow it. They see nothing wrong with this type of arrangement except that by allowing this type of treatment the man will never really respect you. I am all for female empowerment but you have to believe in your own self-worth before a man will believe in you. There’s nothing wrong with being independent and powerful and proud but don’t allow those things to change you so much that you jeapordize your reputation or self-worth.

Women go out with the idea of who they’re going to hook up with by the end of the night. They make it so easy for men that a man doesn’t even have to intitiate the first contact. Women are now as agressive as men used to be and often become the ones chasing after the man. But what happens to the nice girl? The girl that expects to be treated with respect and courtesy? Do these new independent bitches ruin it for them? I would say yes because men will automatically assume that all women are bitches and treat them all the same and in the process lose out on a potentially good woman.

In today’s day and age everyone is out to play the game but who really wins in the end? Ultimately, we’re just going to end up having a bunch of bitches and assholes and in that type of situation everybody loses. 

 

Blame It On The Alcohol…

no_drunk_texting_B2_RGBWe all at one point or another have fallen victim to drunk texting or drunk dialing. Drunk texting for those not familiar with the term, is the act of texting your loved ones, friends, ex’s, potential bf’s/gf’s, etc. while under the influence. Before text messaging one would usually drunk dial but both scenarios are equally humiliating and most times regrettable.

It appears that alcohol somehow gives you the power to say and do things that in your right mind you would never do. Kanye said it best:

“Now I’m drunk texting, like its all about you,

Like I cant spend, another minute without you
You know the drinks let you say things you ain’t allowed to”

That is exactly what happens, alcohol somehow gives us new found courage or miraculously temporarily brainwashes us. The problem with texting while drunk is that when you’re doing it you don’t really realize it until after it’s too late. Somehow when you’re in that state of euphoria and alcoholic bliss you seem to forget that you caught your boyfriend cheating via his facebook account and is why you’re no longer together.

The alcohol clouds your memory and before you know it you’re sending him a message for either a booty call or you’re telling him how much you miss him.  Worst yet, you mistakenly send a message to your dad telling him how much you miss feeling his tender kisses all over your body (ugh talk about disgusting). Whatever the scenario, drunk texting is always a big mistake.

No one plans on drunk texting and in fact the night starts off like any other. You put on your hottest outfit, sexy heels, a little make-up, meet up with your friends and your ready for your night of fun to begin. Except that when you wake up the next morning you either find yourself in a compromising position with someone you really didn’t mean to hook up with or your inbox reads “20 new messages” because whoever you drunk texted has now responded to you.  I’ve had friends get back together with loser boyfriends because of the drunk text. I’ve at times texted things to people that under normal sober circumstances would never have sent. The alcohol takes over and there’s no way of controlling what happens next. Or is there???

It seems that hope to end this epidemic is in the horizon. Two Wharton MBA students have received funding for their “NoText” business venture. According to NoText founders, Harry Kubiak and Roger Barry, they have created a protoype of a new cell phone application that will prevent texting to certain numbers after a specified time. The way it works is that you program the list of numbers that you don’t want to call after a specific time and the application prevents the phone from dialing those numbers. The application almost acts as a firewall protecting you from getting burned once you cross the dreaded threshold of the drunk text.

Although this may be a good idea how many of you think that this will work? Can an app really prevent you from sending those dreaded text messages? Because we all know that where there’s a will there’s a way. ♥

 

 

Beri, R. (2007), Innovation prevents damaging effects of drunk texting, The Wharton Journal, Retrieved from www.whartonjournal.com

 

Main Chick, Side Chick, Jump-Off: What a tangled web we weave…

 

Today is Valentine’s Day and as a woman who has been with the same man for 12 years I have always had someone to spend this day with. However, as my twitter timeline has actively shown this weekend, there are many who are single, many who are involved with someone but don’t have the title of “boyfriend/girlfriend” yet and others who may just be the “other” person and are forced to spend this day alone. Yet and still there are the few that “think” they’re in a relationship with someone but in reality they are just the jump-off and don’t know it. If you fall into the latter category or if you’re the individual that is leading someone to believe they are your main one but really aren’t be careful. Playing with someone’s emotions is like playing with fire. Eventually you will get burned. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

When a woman is lied to, taken advantage of, abused, or played for a fool, the revenge she exalts can be brutal to say the least. Having multiple loves isn’t anything new and in fact men have been having multiple women since probably the beginning of time. Presidents, Celebrities, & Athletes, have indulged in the concept of the “side piece” for a very long time. We remember the biggest Hip Hop player of them all, the Notorious BIG. Biggie had a number of jump-offs and side pieces. The most notable being Lil Kim and Charlie Baltimore.

We remember Rocsi from 106 & Park who allegedly was getting it in with Lisa Raye’s man, the Prime Minister of Turks & Caicos, then it was Ms. Alicia Keys & Swizz Beats. And to take it back some there was JFK and Marilyn Monroe, Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky and most recently Tiger Woods & damn near every blond within a 5 mile radius. They all fell for the power of the P.U.S.S.Y. All of these men were married and appeared to live the ideal life but apparently there was something lacking in the main relationship that led them to seek it elsewhere. It seems like Fabulous said it best “The entree ain’t as good without something on the side.”

For men, I think it just all boils down to sex. They need it and want it. However, they don’t just want plain old sex. They want that dirty and nasty pornographic type of sex that they’re probably aren’t getting from wifey so they look for it in women who are willing to do the things they’re main chicks aren’t. (*Note to main chicks: be a sleazy whore behind closed doors but an effing lady in the streetz)

By nature men are visual and physical beings. While women are emotional. Men are usually motivated by physical attraction and fulfilling a sexual need and women are longing to make an emotional connection. When two people get involved that aren’t on the same page it can be a recipe for disaster. If you’re a man looking only to fulfill a sexual desire just be real about it. Not saying that you should approach a chick and say “I just want to smash” but make it clear that you aren’t looking for anything serious but just looking to have a good time. A smart woman will understand that. If she hooks up with you she at least knows from jump what it is and what it isn’t.

The one thing women hate the most is being lied to and being led into believing that they’re in a relationship when clearly they’re not. If she’s not into just smashing and turns you down just take it as an L and keep it moving. You’ll be better off in the long run believe me. You don’t want a psycho stalker chick on your hands. Dealing with a crazy b*tch isn’t worth it.

For example, we all remember Amy Fisher who gained notoriety after shooting the wife of her lover at point blank range. Then there was Lorena Bobbit who cut off her man’s penis. There was Sahel Kazemi who shot and killed NFL star Steve McNair. The list of crazy b*tches goes on and on. I don’t want you to be the next victim.

When it comes to love why do some women literally lose their mind? I don’t know the answer to that question but as a woman what I do know is that we don’t like to be played. Especially when it comes to our heart. I believe that most people, men & women alike, don’t like their feelings manipulated but yet it is a continuous cycle that never ends. Men and women play this game when it comes to love and its primarily due to selfish intentions.

Sometimes when two people get involved there is one person that cares more than the other one does. This is natural and it doesn’t matter if it’s just a jump-off situation. Sometimes you can’t control your feelings (again this usually happens to the woman). When this is the case the person that cares too much usually gets taken advantage of. The person that doesn’t care as much uses this to their benefit and exploits the former’s feelings.

They do this by telling that person what he or she wants to hear in order to get what they want. People say I love you with no real feeling or emotion behind it. Instead they sell hopes and dreams all in an effort to continue fulfilling their own selfish needs. It can be in the form of sex, money, material things, etc. However, when their charade is exposed all that remains is a hurt, angry, and crazy individual.

And when a person gives their all to only realize that the feelings weren’t reciprocated it can literally drive a person mad. No one likes to be taken for a fool. Love, while it can be great, can also end badly when you disregard the other individual’s feelings. When it comes to matters of the heart all I can suggest is to be honest about your feelings and intentions. In the long run you’ll be better off for it. And remember karma is a bitch so don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want done to you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Birthday Sex….Really?!?!?!

imagesI think it’s safe to say that most of us have heard Jerimih’s new sexy single “Birthday Sex”. Now, there’s no denying, this is a sexy ass song but if it’s my birthday you best believe that his package is not the only package I want to be opening. Now, I’m not saying that I need diamonds or the latest LV bag or Gucci shoes but I’m a grown ass woman so if you gonna come  then you better come correct. I get that Jeremih is still a youngster (21 yrs old) so I think that as an experienced 30 something woman I have to school him just a little if he really wants to get some of that “Birthday Sex”. However, if the woman you’re dating is cool with just getting your special package then this is not for you but if you’re interested in getting at a woman more than just that one time then take note.
 
First, you have to realize most women don’t even care about what you get them for their birthday as long as it is something thoughtful. Meaning that it doesn’t matter how much you spend on the gift as long as it’s something that you put some thought and time into. I know that some of you men may argue that just giving her you is thoughtful in its self but to a woman it really isn’t. Especially considering that most men are ready to give themselves to any woman that’s willing.
 
I think it’s important to know that most women can look at a man and know from the first interaction if “he can get it”. So in about 5 minutes women know whether or not we’re going to sleep with you. And a woman will sleep with you unless you do something stupid, like think all you’re going to give her for her birthday is you. Like I said that might work with a younger chick who doesn’t know any better but with a well established woman that is not going to fly. It’s going to take more than just your cute looks to keep her wanting you. You might be fine baby boy but that is the fastest way to turn a woman that is hot for you cold as ice. That aside if you come correct you’ll keep her interested.
 
I think that most women would agree that the first thing a woman looks at is your swagger, (which means that even if you’re ugly you can still get it). Swagger for those of you that don’t know the meaning, is that je ne sais quoi, that special thing about you that only you have. It could be the way you walk, the way you talk, your confidence, or simply put your aura. A man with swagger has a way of making others around him feel good. This makes him desirable in every way. People (meaning women)WANT to be in his presence, because he is fun, charismatic, pleasant and curiously different. He may have an element of mystery as well, which is intriguing. He is charismatic, well groomed, stylish, and suave. He is the definition of swagger. A man with swagger knows that he needs to come with more than just birthday sex to please and satisfy a woman. And honestly sometimes the sex isn’t even all that. That’s why a gift is necessary, it’s something tangible to make up for the wack sex. Now, let me be clear not everyone has swagger but those that do possess and master it can have the baddest honey wrapped around his finger (i.e. Jay-Z and Beyonce). While most people will agree that Jigga is not the best looking man out there his swagger is undeniable. Therefore, having swagger is key.
 
Secondly, you have to know how to communicate. I’m sorry fellas but ebonics and street slang are so over. A grown and established woman is not going to want you talking to her the way you would talk to your homeboys or some PYT straight outta high school. Be up on current events and let her know your thoughts on Obama’s health care reform bill or the war going on in Afghanistan. You have to be able to stimulate her mind if you wanna stimulate her body and last longer than just one round. You have to be reading, willing, and able to go all 12 rounds. These young girls now-a-days don’t know anything about that. That’s why Jeremih can sing that “Birthday Sex” to them and their panties are off before he even finishes the song.
 
Lastly, if you make it into the ring you better be ready to knock her out because you only get one shot at making a first impression ;-)

Make It Rain

StripClubThe art form of stripping has been an element of entertainment and pop-culture  for a very long time. Stripping or the strip tease dates back to the late 19th century when theatre, cabaret and vaudeville were at their height of popularity, and burlesque emerged as a new form of entertainment.

Although stripping still exists, the nightclub stage act known as the striptease faded from popularity in the late 1960s and in its place we now have aspiring so-called “models”, “video vixens”, and “actresses” taking it all off for anybody that can “Make It Rain”.  It seems like every rapper and ball player can be heard all over the radio and in interviews boasting about how much money they drop on any given night at one of these gentlemen clubs.

Nene, from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, just released a new book and in the book she reveals how she used to be a stripper when she was younger.  In the book, she explains that as a result of ending her relationship with the father of her eldest son, Brice, she had to strip in order to make ends meet. She says that she was living with her son and a roommate and she just didn’t have the funds to support herself and her child. In the book, Nene states “My son was in private school, his father wasn’t chipping in for pull-ups or food, I had no job and no money coming in, the rent was past due, and the super told me and my roommate that our condo owner was about to put us out,”  “So I did what I had to do.”

Now, I’m not one to knock anybody’s hustle but is this the example that we want to set for our young impressionable boys and girls? Is being a stripper what we want our young girls to aspire to be? I am very bothered by women that feel that taking  their clothes off for money is a respectable profession.  Those that think that it’s ok as if there are no repurcussions are either misinformed or have a warped view on life. Everything one does inexplicably becomes a part of that person’s history and once it’s done there’s no erasing it.

Not too long ago Karrinne “Superhead” Steffans bragged about her sexual exploitations in the music and sports industry so much so that she wrote a book about it detailing almost every encounter. I’m sure she got paid, as her book made it to the Best Sellers list but is that what you really want to get fame and recognition for? It makes me wonder if these women have any other talents other than taking off their clothes, dancing, or performing sexual favors. It never ceases to amaze me the things one would do just for a little fame, money and recognition.

Most strippers, when asked why they do it, will tell you that they had no choice. They say that they’re trying to put themselves through school so that they can have a better future or that they have a kid and have to provide because the so called father is either out of the picture or a straight up loser. Whatever the reason is I don’t buy it. Strippers always give some sob story as if their unfortunate circumstance forced them to get on that pole and drop it like its hot. When the reality is, there are other ways to put yourself through school and provide for your child.

Newsflash for all strippers, YOU DON”T HAVE TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF  in order to pay for school. If you are destitute and have absolutely no money guess what, you can get full financial aid (one of the beauties of this great American country). The system is designed to help either the extremely poor or the filthy rich. Middle class citizens like myself have to rack up tens of thousands of dollars in loan debt just to go to college.

Now, if your a stripper that doesn’t have college dreams but is claiming to strip because you have to provide for your child, shame on you. You should have thought about that before having a kid. Who in their right mind would have a child when they very well know they can’t even provide for themselves. I guess these are lessons to be learned after the baby is here. In my opinion, I think these chicks just love the easy money and apparently their self-worth, self-respect, and reputation is worth it.

During NBA All-Star weekend baller Pac Man Jones was involved in a shooting at Minxx Gentlemen’s Club in Las Vegas all because he was trying to make it rain. An amateur video surfaced on the internet of the incident that led to the shooting. What I saw disgusted me. The video shows women on their hands and knees practically falling over each other trying to grab some of that raining money. At one point JD (yes Jermaine Dupri) gets on the mic and instructs the women to continue dancing and not pick the money up from the floor until he tells them to. See for yourself:

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4335492

Seriously, are you kidding me??? Here is one of the most respected producers in the music industry acting like a pimp. The ironic part of it all is that the women listen to him. It’s just very sad and disheartening that women think so little of themselves that they allow to be talked to and treated in that manner.

I know everyone has their own experiences and until we walk in one’s shoes we shouldn’t judge. But, it’s hard not to judge and while i’ll never understand why these women do what they do I do know that no matter what my circumstance or situation I would never subjectify myself just to make a quick dollar.

R.Kelly’s Newest Single: “Number 1″

RKellyDespite his past problems with the law and the child pornography charges that he was acquitted of, one thing that is undeniable is that R. Kelly is a musical genius. In my opinion, he IS the King of R&B. Almost every single he puts out becomes a number 1 hit so there’s no doubt that his newest single featuring Keri Hilson will make it’s way to the number 1 spot.

Set to release on October 13th will be R. Kelly’s tenth studio ablum “Untitled”. I for one can’t wait. Ever since his days when he was singing about Honey Love I have been a fan of R. Kelly’s music. He is one of the few artists that can do it all, sing, write, and produce. For this album he has collaborated with some new and upcoming producers such as Infinity, Lil Ronnie, and Chris Henderson all of which I’m sure will help keep R. Kelly’s music fresh and relevant. Kells is set to start touring to promote the new album in early October with his first performance taking place at Foxwood’s Casino in Connecticut.

Check out the video for his newest single on Yahoo:  http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/–217270269