Category Archives: Personal

Official Welcome To Heartbreak Book Release

I have been writing for as long as I can remember. When I was in second grade, as part of a library project, I wrote my first book How the Pig Got It’s Curly Tail. While that book never made it out of the P.S. 16 library, my hope is that this book makes it all around the world. I live by the motto “Dream BIG and if that doesn’t work dream BIGGER.” It has always been my dream to touch someone through the written word and finally, my dream is coming true. Please join me as I celebrate my first self-published literary work, Welcome to Heartbreak. You can purchase the book at Createspace @ www.createspace.com/3512555 or at Amazon @ http://www.amazon.com/Welcome-Heartbreak-collection-affirmations-heartbreak/dp/1456405357/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1318202855&sr=8-3 it is available in print and for the Kindle and NOOK e-readers. 

Date: Friday, October 28th, 2011

Place: Room 63, Brooklyn, NY 11206

Take the J,Z, or M going towards Brooklyn/Jamaica Center to Lorimer Street (it’s 3 stops across the Williamsburg Bridge). Start out going North on LORIMER STR. Turn right onto MONTROSE AVE. Arrive at 63 MONTROSE AVE.

This event will be hosted by CreativeINK’s Maria “Escribidora” Morales.

Reading & Author signings: 8-11 pm

After party to begin promptly after

*Fun giveaways

*Free raffle ticket with purchase of book

*Special surprise guest readers

About the book:

In this compelling memoir, told through prose and poetry, Nancy Arroyo-Ruffin walks through the fire to face her most painful memories and does so openly and honestly. Raised on the ruthless streets of Brooklyn, NY in the 1980′s, Arroyo-Ruffin takes us on a thrilling voyage of love, loss, and heartbreak.

Full of inspirational quotes & positive affirmations, Welcome to Heartbreak, is a literary portrait depicting the hardships many women endure when transitioning from childhood to adulthood. It is about accepting the past and learning how to move forward from unhealthy situations.

From surviving the brutal murder of a close relative, to helping the love of her life battle a deadly illness, to having her deepest desire snatched from her womb; this is a gripping account of one young woman’s determination to heal herself through love, forgiveness, and acceptance. Burned and pillaged by some of the people she trusted most, this phoenix rises from the ashes to show us that even through heartbreak, beauty and happiness can flourish.

“Life is full of heartbreak but instead of dwelling on that which causes us pain we must embrace it, allow ourselves to feel it, release it and use that heartbreak as a catalyst for success. Heartbreaks don’t break us, they make us stronger.”- Nancy Arroyo Ruffin

 *The book will be available for purchase via Amazon.com in October.*

About the author:

Nancy Arroyo Ruffin is a New York City born and bred Puertoriqueña. Raised on the rough streets of Brooklyn during the 80’s. As a writer, poet, and spoken word performer Nancy is breaking down barriers one stone at a time. She does it all with her voice and determination to inspire, build, create, educate, nurture, support and empower one person at a time. She describes herself “as a strong American Puertoriqueña who believes that the only limits that exist are those that we impose on ourselves. Anything we set our minds to is possible.”

Nancy is a graduate of Bernard Baruch College and holds a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting and an MBA in Healthcare Management. Her literary work has been published in the on-line magazines Sofrito for Your Soul, The Daily Voice, and The Brooklyn Rail. Her work will also be appearing in the upcoming anthology “Joy Interrupted: An Anthology about Motherhood and Loss” published by Fat Daddy Farm Press in early 2012.

Nancy is currently a student of the Cave Canem Workshops in Brooklyn, NY. She has performed at various venues throughout NYC including but not limited to Capicu Poetry and Cultural Showcase, Babble in the Bronx, The CreativeINK Poetry Series, La Loba Poetry Series, the Lolita Bar, The Nuyorican Poets Café and will appear as a feature at El Museo del Barrio’s Speak Up Speak Out poetry event in November, 2011.

 Nancy is the creator and main contributor of welcometohartbreak.com where she writes about life and relationships. Welcome to Heartbreak: A collection of poems, short stories and affirmations about love, life, and heartbreak is her first published book and she is currently working on a novel.

 

Remembering a Brother

There are some things in life that we simply have no control over. Death is one  of those things. In 34 years of life, I have experienced a lot of death. I’ve had grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins die and dealing with the loss of a loved is never easy.

When I was 16 I lost one of the closest people in my life.  At the age of 15 my cousin Macho was murdered at point blank range when an altercation with another kid escalated out of control.  Almost a brother to me his death left a void that still has not been filled and it never will be. Although he was one year younger than me he always thought and acted like he was older than me. He was protective of me. I cherished him.

Today Macho would have celebrated his 33rd birthday and I can’t help but wonder how his life would have been had it not been taken from him. Things that seem so important as teenagers really are minute when we think of them in the greater scheme of things. I often wonder if his murderer, only a child at the time as well, ever thinks about the life that he took. I wonder if he is remorseful.  I wonder if he ever thinks about the little girl who had to grow up without her father.  At the time of Macho’s death he left behind a 1 yr old baby girl. This baby is now a 16 year old beautiful young woman. I wonder if the murderer ever asks himself “was it really worth it?”

Today as I celebrate and remember him I think about the wonderful person he was. I remember how much he loved his family. I remember how much he loved chocolate milk. I think about all of the pranks he liked to pull.. I remember how he handcuffed my other cousin to the stairs in my house just because he wanted to. lol. I remember how girl crazy he was and how he dated every one of my girlfriends. I remember our summer trips to Puerto Rico where he almost drowned me in our aunt’s pool. I remember how mischievous he was. But most of all I remember him always having my back. I remember him having my  back when I got jumped in high school. I remember having his back when he got jumped by neighborhood kids not caring that I was the only girl involved in this fight with a group of boys.

Macho was loved by a lot of people but as much as he was loved he was also hated. He was a bad ass. He wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. He never backed down from a fight and if you messed with his family he was the first one there to defend them. This bad ass attitude is what eventually did him in. When he was confronted by his assailant he told him “You better kill me because if you don’t I’m gonna kill you” and he meant it. That’s just how fearless he was.

When I first learned that he had been killed I took it really hard. I had lost a brother and a friend. His mother lost a son. His grandmother lost a grandson. His sister lost a brother and his daughter lost a father. We were all grieving and at the time I was immensely depressed and I had no one to talk to about my feelings. I remember writing a poem to help me cope with my grief and his death was what inspired me to write my first poem. I have been writing ever since. Ironically, in some way his death gave birth to my most precious gift.

So as I sit here and write this I am grateful for the relationship that he and I shared. I am thankful for all of the memories that him and I created.  It has been over 15 years since his death and I still miss him terribly. His death taught me how precious life really is. One minute you can be here and the next you can be gone. We all have to appreciate every single day that we wake up and are able to spend it with those that we love. Cherish those moments. Make the most of those moments. Time is valuable and shorter than you think, don’t waste it.

Happy Birthday Macho…you are missed and never forgotten.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2008

I’ve wanted to write about you for awhile. I’ve wanted to write about you for 2 years 2 months & 15 days to be exact. That’s how long you’ve been gone & for as long as I have been wanting to write about you I just never found the right words to put on paper that would memorialize all that you meant to me. I tried, I mean I tried many, many times but the words just wouldn’t come. I used to sit in my room for hours wishing, hoping, waiting kind of like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting up for Santa Claus to appear & I waited & waited & waited & those damn words just wouldn’t come. They just wouldn’t. I’d draw a blank every time I would put the pen to paper. Then I realized that maybe I would never find the “right” words to say because how could I ever accurately describe the hole that has been permanently left in my heart. You were my little brother except, you weren’t. You were my cousin but our connection was so close that it didn’t even matter.

And I always think of you this time of year. I’m not sure if it’s because we just celebrated Thanksgiving or if it’s because your birthday just passed or if it’s both. But the truth is I think about you a lot. I remember you as a child, you were young, you were innocent, the pride & joy of your mom & dad because you were their only baby. You were happy, like, you were always really, really happy. Always laughing, always smiling. In fact, that’s what I remember most about you, your smile. It was infectious; it was so bright that you could light up the darkest room. But no amount of light could ever brighten up the darkness that resided in your head or the demons that took over your mind.

At first, it started off as just a small flicker but gradually, day after day, month after month, year after year, the older you got the darker it became and the voices, well, the voices became louder, the voices became clearer. You tried to get us to hear them but we just couldn’t. Yours were silent screams and they fell on deaf ears, so you were just left alone in your own world, in your own space in time, in your own hell because no one could ever understand you. We all had a ferocious kind of tunnel vision blind to what was staring us right in the face. We didn’t notice. We just didn’t notice. Looking at you but not seeing that you were sick. After all, You were always just our little baby boy dressed up in a white t-shirt and pampers; the same boy that used to wear his mother’s tacos in the house and walk back and forth, back and forth, back and forth just because you liked to hear the click clack sound that they made.

And your mom, I remember her too. I never told you this…but, I hate that bitch. She was the one that got you sick. She remarried and let another man take your place. You should have been the first man in her life but she left you, abandoned you, and then replaced you with newer, improved models, your younger brother and sister. Because you, you were broken. Cracked in all the wrong places and you could never be fixed. But she couldn’t return you and get her money back so instead she left you in a 2 bedroom project apartment alone to conquer your demons. But you didn’t conquer them because they grew bigger and stronger and no amount of Haldol could ever be prescribed because eventually they conquered you.

And everyday I ask myself, why couldn’t we see it? Why couldn’t we see it? WHY THE FUCK COULDN’T WE SEE IT? Why couldn’t we see it before it was too late? But your dad, your dad finally saw it. You were his best friend, his one and only soul mate and a piece of him died that day too. I look at him and no longer see the man that he used to be. He’s no longer living. I mean, he’s alive, he’s breathing & walking & his body is here but his soul is not; because for the last 2 years, 2 months, and 15 days he carries with him the unbearable lightness of existence and in him has drowned a young boy that has been replaced by an old man full of guilt and regret. And each day, he awakes to a world that no longer has meaning because his world ended on September 23, 2008.

The Chosen…

They say the child chooses the mother

 before they are conceived.

 They search and search until they

Find the perfect place to settle in
Like 1492 Columbus did
In search for a new world.
Yet here I am…
a woman not worthy to
hold the title of mother for
no child has chosen me
to be its home
life sentenced protector~~
Created to breathe life into its lungs
Birth seeds of hope from my ovaries
that will bloom silk petals of the heart
Beauty wrapped up in
golden satin sheets of new beginnings
Carrying within it a shock of ambiguity,
A soul thought up
But undelivered.
Magnificent one, all mine,
A mirror perched
Beyond my reach,
A colossal presence, you sting
with continuity underneath my skin
You are in the ark of my blood
in the river of my bones
in the crests of my muscles
in the ligaments of my hair
in the wit of my hands
in the smear of my shadow
You are everywhere
And nowhere simultaneously
Driven by the restless urge to create
I am inseminated with cultural reminders
of what it means to be a woman.
The woman of the house
Maid to clean,
wash,
cook,
take care of my husband
and when the time comes
bear his child.
But I sit still and wait.

I am a broken clock
that doesn’t tick
My time has not come.
I have not been chosen
to miss those cycles
of the moon rising within
My womb weeps blood tears,
the months the shards of grief begin
flowing through me and out of me
iridescent stem of womanhood.
For the sea of faith,
was too once full
I see you behind
a thin-walled glass veneer of time.
Not meant to be, not born
Yet omnipresent, brown-eyed, laughing,
blowing caramel kisses in the wind.
Above the air I breathe
heavy rainclouds
finally release their pain
ragged currents flow down my cheeks
all of your beauty, has come to an end
I solemnly mourn the death of a dream
Because the nature of life has made it so.

 

Click on the link for video of me reciting this poem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WtOgC6-_P4

Marissa

Mommy you will never call me for that title belongs to someone else, yet you will

Always be my first child…for I have been there to see you grow like the flowers of a

Royal water lily and its many transformations, petals white as jades full of virginal

Innocence releasing aromatic scents of independence that will attract many trying to

Strip you of your beauty and rob you of your virtue, so I say bask in the richness of your

Soul for the light that you have within can never be dimmed unless you

Allow it…..


 

Today’s poem was written in acrostic form. An acrostic poem is one that uses a word or phrase (usually the theme or the underlying subject matter of the poem) written vertically.

Each letter of the word/phrase then acts as the beginning letter for a new line of the poem. Whatever is written using each letter must connect to the subject matter.

 

Poem:: Not My Mother’s Daughter

Syncopated rhythms over conga beats,
I saunter in the footprints of
men and women of generations passed.
Dissecting myself a cadaver,
open and free.
From the bomba y la plena,
from the sugar cane factories
to the bench of the Supreme Court, we…
have come a long way.
Having studied many times
The marble which was chiseled out for me—
By the calloused hands of the slaves that came before me
taken against their will from the mother land–
to toil the earth of Boriquen..

In truth, it pictures not my destiny
but my responsibility.
Because four centuries of Spanish rule
has brainwashed some, of the African
blood running through our veins.
Forgetting that
the pigment of our skin is—
as deep and dark,
as the holds of the ships
that transported them.
Yes! For we too are black.
Ashamed of our past
we reject ourselves
Trying to conform to
A non-conscious–
ideology.

Wanting to be white,
Trying to do what’s right
We are our mother’s daughters
So we learn to do as we’re told
Studying like an exam
What it means to be a Latina
Niña don’t speak up
This is not your right
Taught to be passive
Supportive nurturers of the home
Beautiful doll
With a painted smile
You are a woman
Learn to play your role

But with MY voice
I will break the cycle
I will speak up
I will be heard
I will not be shy
I will not be timid
I will be strong
I will educate
Because in this
I am not—
my mother’s daughter.

Originally published 04/01/11 in honor of National Poetry Month

The Beauty of Sisterhood

Last night I had the oportunity to spend the evening with a beautiful woman. Not only is she physically beautiful but she is spiritually beautiful. For me she is the embodiment of love and I told her so. From the moment that I met her I felt a connection to her. A pure and genuine connection that can only be felt and not described. But if I had to describe I would say that it is the connection that you feel when you know that you were meant to know this person. 

We spent the evening talking, laughing, sharing stories of our past and sharing the dreams and hopes that we have for our futures. For me it was a spiritually touching experience because I’m at a point in my life where I am truly starting to appreciate the bond that women share. This year I have met some amazing women and have formed bonds with a few (she is one of them) that have surprised me because I haven’t known them long. But what I’ve learned is that when the love and appreciation is genuine those bonds don’t take long to form.

I intentionally surround myself with strong, positive, supportive women because I think that we need more of that. In a world and society where women are pitted against each other and forced to believe that everything is a competition I actively and purposely stay away from that way of thinking. I think we as women have so much more to offer to each other and to the world when we can unite and work together. I am on a journey of spiritual growth. I want to be a better person. I want to give to the world the best of me and so I don’t have time for the cattiness and negativity that some people love to embrace.

To all of my fellow women I say this, when you finally learn to love and care for yourself and nurture your desires and dreams that is when you release all negativity, jealousy, and hatred for another woman. When you are happy you have no time to focus on negativity.

I will continue to work on myself and work on building longlasting relationships with women for they are reflections of me and together we can all be great!

A letter to my sister…

Sisters. They’re bratty, clingy, nosey, and sometimes just plain old evil. They look up to you, imitate you, tease you, support you, help you, and console you when your first love dumps you. They’re catty, selfish, and spiteful but for all the things they are the most important of them is that no matter how bad things seem they will always love you. The bond between sisters is one of those rare anomalies that you can never understand unless you have a sister of your own.

The relationship that I have with my sister is one that I treasure. I always say that having a sister was God’s way of giving me a best friend for life. When you’re kids trying to find your way in the world, you don’t realize that the little brat you tried so hard to avoid somehow became the love of your life. They say you are only blessed with one true love in life, if you’re lucky, maybe two.  For me, my first true love was Diana.

December 30, 1979. The day my life was forever changed. With your first breath you breathed life into my world. I didn’t know it then but without you, living would be a sunless beach, a flower without scent, eyes that cannot see, a heart that doesn’t beat, hands that cannot touch or lips that cannot speak.

Inseparable since the day you were born we have grown to be more than just sisters. My one and only true love, confidante, and soul mate you are the definition of my existence. You are beauty, strength, wisdom, kindness, loyalty. You are unconditional love… You are my mirror reflecting all that I am and all that I still hope to be. You are my every dream come true. Not even Van Gogh could paint a more beautiful scene.

From childhood to womanhood you are the one constant that has never failed me. Because if I know anything it’s that you’re always on my side. If my heart stopped beating I would still live on for the heart that beats in you beats in me too. This is how strong our love is. You are my sister, you are my best friend.

The Dawn of a New Day

Happy New Year my loyal readers.  I hope you all had a happy and prosperous holiday season.

It is the 4th day into 2011 and I feel amazing. 2010 was a great year for me personally and professionally. I accomplished many of the things that I set out to do and was pleased with how it ended.

As you may have noticed the appearance of the blog has changed. I wanted to shake things up a little and give the site a new feel by giving it a new look (what do you guys think?)

Along with the look, some of the content will also be changing. Not too drastically because I am aware that too many changes all at once can sometimes be a bad thing. However, one of the changes I am making is a good one. I  will be starting a weekly series called “Spotlight Latino” where I will post a blog every Wednesday featuring issues/topics about the Latino community.

This weekly post will  focus on anything from Latino history to Latino writers, musicians, artists, politicians, businessess, activists, or individuals that are or have contributed to or have positively impacted our culture. It will also focus on individuals that are doing things in their local communities. This will be a collaborative initiative, meaning that if you know or hear of a latino/a doing big things shoot me an email so that I can profile them. There are many Latinos who are doing great things and this series is my way of applauding and acknowledging them. 

Personally, I ended 2010 with a great feeling of accomplishment. For this new year, I have another set of goals set for myself and I am eager to get started working on them. The first of which was re-vamping the blog. I also want to spend a lot more time writing because the more you write the better you become. I have many other goals that I won’t list here but I am preparing myself mentally on how best to achieve them. Ideas are great but if you have no plan they become pointless.

For most of us, it is easy at the start of a new year to make resolutions of all the things that we want to do. However, even those with the best intentions of accomplishing their goals sometimes get sidetracked. I have fallen victim to that on occasion. There are a few things that I’ve learned to help keep me on track when working towards my goals and I want to share them with you.

First, write down all of your goals for the year. Take an hour of your day lock yourself in your home office, your bedroom, the bathroom (if you have to) and make a list of the things that you want to do. They can be small goals like cleaning the house, meditating, going to the gym or they can be bigger goals like taking a vacation, starting a new project or business, or making a career move. Whatever they may be the important thing is that you write them down. You have to be able to visualize it in order to make it a reality.

Secondly, once you have written your goals,  list them from easiest to accomplish to most difficult. Doing this will help you set realistic time frames for each thing that you want to do. If one of your goals is to clean/re-organize your house, this is fairly easy when compared to starting a new business.

After you have listed your goals from easiest to most difficult, decide on a start and completion date for each. If you set dates, you give yourself adequate time to focus, plan and accomplish your goals one at a time.

Most people make tons of resolutions and set many goals for themselves and then try to do them all at once. When you put that much pressure on yourself you don’t give yourself the appropriate time and commitment necessary to accomplish each individual goal. This leads to either mediocre results  or not completing the goal at all.

I have found that establishing timeframes helps to keep you on track. If you make a conscious commitment to achieving your goals you will see that you will stick to the dates you have set for yourself.

If you follow these basic steps by this time next year you just may be a successful entrepreneur. You just need a vision, a plan, focus, and commitment.

In 2011 make  your dreams your reality. It’s the dawn of a new day!

Leaving Legacies: What Will Yours Be?

I originally wrote this piece back in November but I am re-posting because God keeps sending people into my life that continue to inspire me. I truly believe that timing is everything and this definitely feels like it’s gonna be my time! I am ready to leave my legacy!

                                                  ***

I like to think  of myself as a go-getter. I’m passionate, smart, and when I truly believe in something I go hard for it. I’ve always felt in my heart that I was put on this earth to do “something special” and not until recently did that “something special” become very clear to me.

Life has a funny way of putting things in your path that you may not have seen or thought of before or maybe it really just is God fulfilling your already written prophecy. Either way, I recently met someone who has made me start thinking differently about what I want my legacy to be. I know I’m probably too young to even begin thinking about a “legacy” but the thing about leaving legacies is that all of the things that you do on a daily basis is how people will remember you. I want people to remember me as someone who made a difference.

My new friend approached me with a great idea of giving back to our community by bringing awareness to an issue that hit close to home, especially as a NYC born and bred latina. I’m not really sure what prompted her to approach me, but like I said sometimes some things are just meant to be and God just waits for the perfect time to allow them to happen.

A recent study, Latino Youth in NYC, was published by the Community Service Society (CSS) in which they identified Latino youth, more specifically, Puerto Ricans, as being the most uneducated and disconnected from the workforce despite being native born New Yorkers. 

After reading the study I really wanted to be a part of what she wanted to do. I will not get into specifics about our plan until we have all of the details finalized but helping our people, especially kids, is something that really resonated with me. I now know that this is my “something special”.  I  will focus on helping young people achieve their dreams, whatever they may be.

I was lucky in that I had a great family support system. I had great teachers. I had people in my life that really wanted me to succeed. I think that today’s youth are missing some or all of these elements in their lives and it isn’t fair. More frequently than ever, you hear about federal and state governments cutting education budgets. Teachers don’t get the support or resources that they need and all at the cost of our children. The more I think about it the more passionate I become.

I am excited about the new endeavor and journey I am now on and I know that the sky is the limit and that we will PREVAIL. I am committed to making a difference because as I said in my FB status this morning “Change begins with one person having the courage to actually do something. Never under estimate the power that YOU have.” 

I will leave you with 2 quotes from one of my favorite books, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho:

“In order to find the treasure, you will have to follow the omens. God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left you.”

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

How do you want to be remembered? What will your legacy be?

 

Lazar Treschan, Policy Brief Latino Youth in New York City (Community Service Society, October 2010) (http://www.cssny.org/userimages/downloads/LatinoYouthinNYCOct2010.pdf)