Category Archives: About Me

Official Welcome To Heartbreak Book Release

I have been writing for as long as I can remember. When I was in second grade, as part of a library project, I wrote my first book How the Pig Got It’s Curly Tail. While that book never made it out of the P.S. 16 library, my hope is that this book makes it all around the world. I live by the motto “Dream BIG and if that doesn’t work dream BIGGER.” It has always been my dream to touch someone through the written word and finally, my dream is coming true. Please join me as I celebrate my first self-published literary work, Welcome to Heartbreak. You can purchase the book at Createspace @ www.createspace.com/3512555 or at Amazon @ http://www.amazon.com/Welcome-Heartbreak-collection-affirmations-heartbreak/dp/1456405357/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1318202855&sr=8-3 it is available in print and for the Kindle and NOOK e-readers. 

Date: Friday, October 28th, 2011

Place: Room 63, Brooklyn, NY 11206

Take the J,Z, or M going towards Brooklyn/Jamaica Center to Lorimer Street (it’s 3 stops across the Williamsburg Bridge). Start out going North on LORIMER STR. Turn right onto MONTROSE AVE. Arrive at 63 MONTROSE AVE.

This event will be hosted by CreativeINK’s Maria “Escribidora” Morales.

Reading & Author signings: 8-11 pm

After party to begin promptly after

*Fun giveaways

*Free raffle ticket with purchase of book

*Special surprise guest readers

About the book:

In this compelling memoir, told through prose and poetry, Nancy Arroyo-Ruffin walks through the fire to face her most painful memories and does so openly and honestly. Raised on the ruthless streets of Brooklyn, NY in the 1980′s, Arroyo-Ruffin takes us on a thrilling voyage of love, loss, and heartbreak.

Full of inspirational quotes & positive affirmations, Welcome to Heartbreak, is a literary portrait depicting the hardships many women endure when transitioning from childhood to adulthood. It is about accepting the past and learning how to move forward from unhealthy situations.

From surviving the brutal murder of a close relative, to helping the love of her life battle a deadly illness, to having her deepest desire snatched from her womb; this is a gripping account of one young woman’s determination to heal herself through love, forgiveness, and acceptance. Burned and pillaged by some of the people she trusted most, this phoenix rises from the ashes to show us that even through heartbreak, beauty and happiness can flourish.

“Life is full of heartbreak but instead of dwelling on that which causes us pain we must embrace it, allow ourselves to feel it, release it and use that heartbreak as a catalyst for success. Heartbreaks don’t break us, they make us stronger.”- Nancy Arroyo Ruffin

 *The book will be available for purchase via Amazon.com in October.*

About the author:

Nancy Arroyo Ruffin is a New York City born and bred Puertoriqueña. Raised on the rough streets of Brooklyn during the 80’s. As a writer, poet, and spoken word performer Nancy is breaking down barriers one stone at a time. She does it all with her voice and determination to inspire, build, create, educate, nurture, support and empower one person at a time. She describes herself “as a strong American Puertoriqueña who believes that the only limits that exist are those that we impose on ourselves. Anything we set our minds to is possible.”

Nancy is a graduate of Bernard Baruch College and holds a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting and an MBA in Healthcare Management. Her literary work has been published in the on-line magazines Sofrito for Your Soul, The Daily Voice, and The Brooklyn Rail. Her work will also be appearing in the upcoming anthology “Joy Interrupted: An Anthology about Motherhood and Loss” published by Fat Daddy Farm Press in early 2012.

Nancy is currently a student of the Cave Canem Workshops in Brooklyn, NY. She has performed at various venues throughout NYC including but not limited to Capicu Poetry and Cultural Showcase, Babble in the Bronx, The CreativeINK Poetry Series, La Loba Poetry Series, the Lolita Bar, The Nuyorican Poets Café and will appear as a feature at El Museo del Barrio’s Speak Up Speak Out poetry event in November, 2011.

 Nancy is the creator and main contributor of welcometohartbreak.com where she writes about life and relationships. Welcome to Heartbreak: A collection of poems, short stories and affirmations about love, life, and heartbreak is her first published book and she is currently working on a novel.

 

Remembering a Brother

There are some things in life that we simply have no control over. Death is one  of those things. In 34 years of life, I have experienced a lot of death. I’ve had grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins die and dealing with the loss of a loved is never easy.

When I was 16 I lost one of the closest people in my life.  At the age of 15 my cousin Macho was murdered at point blank range when an altercation with another kid escalated out of control.  Almost a brother to me his death left a void that still has not been filled and it never will be. Although he was one year younger than me he always thought and acted like he was older than me. He was protective of me. I cherished him.

Today Macho would have celebrated his 33rd birthday and I can’t help but wonder how his life would have been had it not been taken from him. Things that seem so important as teenagers really are minute when we think of them in the greater scheme of things. I often wonder if his murderer, only a child at the time as well, ever thinks about the life that he took. I wonder if he is remorseful.  I wonder if he ever thinks about the little girl who had to grow up without her father.  At the time of Macho’s death he left behind a 1 yr old baby girl. This baby is now a 16 year old beautiful young woman. I wonder if the murderer ever asks himself “was it really worth it?”

Today as I celebrate and remember him I think about the wonderful person he was. I remember how much he loved his family. I remember how much he loved chocolate milk. I think about all of the pranks he liked to pull.. I remember how he handcuffed my other cousin to the stairs in my house just because he wanted to. lol. I remember how girl crazy he was and how he dated every one of my girlfriends. I remember our summer trips to Puerto Rico where he almost drowned me in our aunt’s pool. I remember how mischievous he was. But most of all I remember him always having my back. I remember him having my  back when I got jumped in high school. I remember having his back when he got jumped by neighborhood kids not caring that I was the only girl involved in this fight with a group of boys.

Macho was loved by a lot of people but as much as he was loved he was also hated. He was a bad ass. He wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. He never backed down from a fight and if you messed with his family he was the first one there to defend them. This bad ass attitude is what eventually did him in. When he was confronted by his assailant he told him “You better kill me because if you don’t I’m gonna kill you” and he meant it. That’s just how fearless he was.

When I first learned that he had been killed I took it really hard. I had lost a brother and a friend. His mother lost a son. His grandmother lost a grandson. His sister lost a brother and his daughter lost a father. We were all grieving and at the time I was immensely depressed and I had no one to talk to about my feelings. I remember writing a poem to help me cope with my grief and his death was what inspired me to write my first poem. I have been writing ever since. Ironically, in some way his death gave birth to my most precious gift.

So as I sit here and write this I am grateful for the relationship that he and I shared. I am thankful for all of the memories that him and I created.  It has been over 15 years since his death and I still miss him terribly. His death taught me how precious life really is. One minute you can be here and the next you can be gone. We all have to appreciate every single day that we wake up and are able to spend it with those that we love. Cherish those moments. Make the most of those moments. Time is valuable and shorter than you think, don’t waste it.

Happy Birthday Macho…you are missed and never forgotten.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2008

I’ve wanted to write about you for awhile. I’ve wanted to write about you for 2 years 2 months & 15 days to be exact. That’s how long you’ve been gone & for as long as I have been wanting to write about you I just never found the right words to put on paper that would memorialize all that you meant to me. I tried, I mean I tried many, many times but the words just wouldn’t come. I used to sit in my room for hours wishing, hoping, waiting kind of like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting up for Santa Claus to appear & I waited & waited & waited & those damn words just wouldn’t come. They just wouldn’t. I’d draw a blank every time I would put the pen to paper. Then I realized that maybe I would never find the “right” words to say because how could I ever accurately describe the hole that has been permanently left in my heart. You were my little brother except, you weren’t. You were my cousin but our connection was so close that it didn’t even matter.

And I always think of you this time of year. I’m not sure if it’s because we just celebrated Thanksgiving or if it’s because your birthday just passed or if it’s both. But the truth is I think about you a lot. I remember you as a child, you were young, you were innocent, the pride & joy of your mom & dad because you were their only baby. You were happy, like, you were always really, really happy. Always laughing, always smiling. In fact, that’s what I remember most about you, your smile. It was infectious; it was so bright that you could light up the darkest room. But no amount of light could ever brighten up the darkness that resided in your head or the demons that took over your mind.

At first, it started off as just a small flicker but gradually, day after day, month after month, year after year, the older you got the darker it became and the voices, well, the voices became louder, the voices became clearer. You tried to get us to hear them but we just couldn’t. Yours were silent screams and they fell on deaf ears, so you were just left alone in your own world, in your own space in time, in your own hell because no one could ever understand you. We all had a ferocious kind of tunnel vision blind to what was staring us right in the face. We didn’t notice. We just didn’t notice. Looking at you but not seeing that you were sick. After all, You were always just our little baby boy dressed up in a white t-shirt and pampers; the same boy that used to wear his mother’s tacos in the house and walk back and forth, back and forth, back and forth just because you liked to hear the click clack sound that they made.

And your mom, I remember her too. I never told you this…but, I hate that bitch. She was the one that got you sick. She remarried and let another man take your place. You should have been the first man in her life but she left you, abandoned you, and then replaced you with newer, improved models, your younger brother and sister. Because you, you were broken. Cracked in all the wrong places and you could never be fixed. But she couldn’t return you and get her money back so instead she left you in a 2 bedroom project apartment alone to conquer your demons. But you didn’t conquer them because they grew bigger and stronger and no amount of Haldol could ever be prescribed because eventually they conquered you.

And everyday I ask myself, why couldn’t we see it? Why couldn’t we see it? WHY THE FUCK COULDN’T WE SEE IT? Why couldn’t we see it before it was too late? But your dad, your dad finally saw it. You were his best friend, his one and only soul mate and a piece of him died that day too. I look at him and no longer see the man that he used to be. He’s no longer living. I mean, he’s alive, he’s breathing & walking & his body is here but his soul is not; because for the last 2 years, 2 months, and 15 days he carries with him the unbearable lightness of existence and in him has drowned a young boy that has been replaced by an old man full of guilt and regret. And each day, he awakes to a world that no longer has meaning because his world ended on September 23, 2008.

A letter to my sister…

Sisters. They’re bratty, clingy, nosey, and sometimes just plain old evil. They look up to you, imitate you, tease you, support you, help you, and console you when your first love dumps you. They’re catty, selfish, and spiteful but for all the things they are the most important of them is that no matter how bad things seem they will always love you. The bond between sisters is one of those rare anomalies that you can never understand unless you have a sister of your own.

The relationship that I have with my sister is one that I treasure. I always say that having a sister was God’s way of giving me a best friend for life. When you’re kids trying to find your way in the world, you don’t realize that the little brat you tried so hard to avoid somehow became the love of your life. They say you are only blessed with one true love in life, if you’re lucky, maybe two.  For me, my first true love was Diana.

December 30, 1979. The day my life was forever changed. With your first breath you breathed life into my world. I didn’t know it then but without you, living would be a sunless beach, a flower without scent, eyes that cannot see, a heart that doesn’t beat, hands that cannot touch or lips that cannot speak.

Inseparable since the day you were born we have grown to be more than just sisters. My one and only true love, confidante, and soul mate you are the definition of my existence. You are beauty, strength, wisdom, kindness, loyalty. You are unconditional love… You are my mirror reflecting all that I am and all that I still hope to be. You are my every dream come true. Not even Van Gogh could paint a more beautiful scene.

From childhood to womanhood you are the one constant that has never failed me. Because if I know anything it’s that you’re always on my side. If my heart stopped beating I would still live on for the heart that beats in you beats in me too. This is how strong our love is. You are my sister, you are my best friend.

This Is Me…

 

I wear my heritage proudly, it is the essence of my being

It’s in my tanned skinned, curly hair, and all that is visible to the naked eye

It is also in my speech, and in the way the words roll off my tongue

It’s in the way she says “que dios te bendiga niña” when I ask for her bendicion

It’s in the holidays that we share immersed in comida, bebida, y familia

But it’s also the tears that are wept

For all of those that we have lost en esta vida

We are taught to be strong but yet be delicate as a flower

Who woulda thought in this small body

Would be encompassed so much power

I am no fool I’m aware of the hypocrisies

But I am here to stand tall

For all who come after me

It is the children who are our greatest possession

We must teach them the laws of life

So they don’t have regrets only lessons

Teach them that a mind without knowledge

Only leaves you weak

Armor yourself with words and history

So that you know what you speak

Education is your greatest weapon

Yet so many of us forsake it

Often fooled by the world

But I say let us embrace it!

Don’t be afraid of the power you hold

in your thoughts

It is because you can think

That threatens them the most

Know who you are because we’ve all come so far

So far from the beatings, the pains, and the scars

The scars left behind after the wounds have healed

The wounds we’d much sooner forget

Because remembering is too real

The wounds of our ancestors who were slaves, raped and more

Never let us forget it was them

That opened that door

So you see, my people, don’t just define who I am

I am a product of this world & of all those who gave a damn

So when I have a success it’s not only mine to share

It’s for those who came before me

Who took the time to care

We share a common thread woven together by the seams

It is the fabric of our ancestors and all of their dreams

For all of those who came

and left the world on our shoulders

I carry it with mucho orgullo y necessidad

 It is for them that I stand tall and I walk

Siempre para ‘lante are the words that I talk

So as I wear my heritage proudly for all to see

I will shout as loud as I can

Yo soy Boricua para tu y para mi!

::Welcome To H♥rtbreak 2.0:: Allow Me To Re-Introduce Myself!

Hello loyal readers. It’s been a little over a year since I started this blog and the reception and love that I have received is overwhelming to say the least. For the past year everything written on here has been my own personal thoughts, opinions, and experiences. This year I want to re-vamp it and shake things up a little so I have decided to collaborate with another great writer that has her own perspective when it comes to love, life, and relationships.

Ironically, I have known her since we were kids (we grew up in the same neighborhood) and although we weren’t friends growing up our paths crossed again on Facebook (go figure) by way of another facebook friend. To make a long story short, I read one of her poems and was impressed. I then read another poem and immediately became a fan. I posted the 2 poems and the feedback received has been great. Starting tomorrow she will be contributing her own blog posts, poems, thoughts, and any other writings she may have.

WelcometoHartbreak will now have 2 authors, myself and Ms. Vanessa Quiles. She is young, vibrant, and insightful.  Her work will give new life to the blog and I am confident that you will enjoy her writings just as you enjoy mine.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support. I love you guys♥

Intellectual Beauty

I am intellectually beautiful. My mind is my greatest asset. While most focus on their physical beauty, I concentrate on enriching my mind, spirit and soul because with time, even beauty fades.  Don’t be fooled by the media or by what society deems as beautiful. Those who only see physical beauty have not evolved enough to realize that there’s more to beauty than meets the eye. It is a person’s mind and soul that hold the true beauty of the individual. So few of us truly know how to appreciate this type of beauty that we focus on only what we can see. Once we learn to see the true beauty that one holds, the outer beauty no longer appeals to us and it is the inner beauty that we begin to crave and need. When you look in the mirror don’t be fooled, know that your true beauty is not what you or others see, it is what lies within. Don’t strive to be a physical beauty. Strive to be an intellectual beauty.♥

 

Allow Me To Introduce Myself…

Ms808nHartbreakWelcome to my blog. I’m Ms808nHartbreak. The name obviously was taken from Kanye West’s 808′s and Heartbreaks album title. I liked it and thought it was catchy so it has become my moniker and a representation of my alter ego.

Who Is Ms808nHartbreak?

There really isn’t one specific answer to that question. There are so many different facets that make up who I am that trying to describe myself as one or another would make me one dimensional. We all have multiple sides to ourselves but which side I allow others to see depends on the situation. However, I will say that I am a strong, motivated, American Puertoriqueña. I have a B.A. in Accounting and an MBA in Healthcare Management but my true passion is in writing. For me it’s an outlet to express how I feel at any given moment.

I am ambitious and I’m always striving to push myself to that next level. I believe if you set goals, keep your eyes on the prize and work hard anything is possible. Nothing worth having ever comes easy but once you get it you’ll appreciate it so much more. I’ve learned that happiness is what you make it. So find what makes you happy and do it. Don’t put your happiness in someone else’s hands because if you do you give them the power to take it away. 

I was born and raised in New York City and come from a very close knit family. In my life I have learned that nothing is more important than family. . I’ve learned that fame, money, success, is meaningless if you’re alone and lonely with no one to love or to love you in return.  I’ve learned that life is too short so live it for yourself and no one else. Don’t over think and over analyze every situation just follow your heart and it will never steer you wrong. I’ve realized that whatever decisions I make are mine to make whether they’re good or bad and I can care less of how they are viewed by others. Those who love me will support them and will be there if it turns out to be a bad decision. Everyday is an opportunity to learn so make the most of each day. Planning is good but don’t spend so much time planning for tomorrow that you forget to live for today.

 I don’t claim to have all the answers but I am a work in progress and believe that everyone has the ability to teach me something. I have created this blog as a forum to express my thoughts, ideas, and opinions and hope that in some way some one finds some knowledge in what I have to say. Thanks for reading ♥.